It's a waste of some seriously great veins for me not to be a drug user

Nothing ruins a good day like thinking you’re going to get drugged up and then having those hopes dashed.

I went in for an appointment at Boone County Hospital to have my port put in (so I thought) only to be told that it was a pre-op meeting and I would have my port put in Thursday. I guess that makes a lot of sense, considering they usually tell you not to eat anything 12 hours prior to the surgery and I had a loaded double omelet sandwich from Hardees a mere 5-1/2 hours ago. I doubt they would have liked discovering my stomach contained a double omelet sandwich halfway through.

For those of you that are unfamiliar with chemo, a port is essentially like a frequent flyer for needle users. It’s implanted under your skin so that for people that need chemo frequently (like this guy now), they’ve already got this thing there that they can hook up to without searching for a vein like an 80s rock star. To test the waters with my surgeon to gauge his level of seriousness, I decided to float a needle drugs joke.

"Yeah, with as pale as I am, it's just a real waste of God-given visible veins that I'm not a heroin user," I said with a straight face.

My doctor cocked his head, a slight smile on his face.

"You're telling me," he said. "Not only are you pale, but your veins pop out a bit. I saw you come in here, and I just started drooling over your veins."

We both started cracking up. This surgeon is awesome...he almost makes me feel bad I'm only having a port put in and don't have anything seriously wrong I need operated on. (Just cancer...dammit)

So the next few days are a bit hectic. Thursday I have baselines for lung function, kidney function and hearing in the morning followed by surgery to put my port in at noon. Friday I head back to the spermatologist (P.S....they don't like being called that) for sperm freezing (a topic I will never talk about with anybody), a final meeting with my oncologist Friday to make sure we've got all of our ducks in a row, and the chemo party starts next Monday and runs all week long. Boo yah.

The support I've gotten so far with those whole nut cancer thing has been pretty awesome. I've received several cards from former fraternity brothers, including one from two of the people I respect more than nearly anybody, Christ and Maggie Hatch (Check out her blog...she and her husband are much cooler than I: http://maggieandchrishatch.blogspot.com/ ). Among the cards I've received was one from a guy in town I did an article on this past summer who included a yellow Livestrong bracelet and a very touching note, as he is a 20+ year cancer survivor.

I've somewhat made fun of the bracelets in the past because they're trendy (or were 5 years ago) and I view them as somewhat of a form of slacktivisim...feeling good about helping a charity without really doing anything. Based on the note I received from this cancer survivor, who went out of his way to explain to me its meaning, I've somewhat changed my mind on them and have started wearing it. Feel free to mock me for my flip-flopping.

Since I lose my hair Oct. 17 and will officially start wearing beanies full-time, I've utilized the full range of scientific tools available at my disposal to prepare you all for the awesomeness of bald Greg. Enjoy before and after renditions:

Before

After.



That's Photoshop mastery, people. I'm available for freelance work.